Deeper Shades of Loneliness
A Spiritual Approach to Feeling Lonely
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?” ~ Elvis Presley
There is another pandemic within the pandemic we are experiencing now. It comes from the isolation — physical, emotional and psychological — generated by the fear of contamination from Covid-19. There is a tsunami of loneliness arising out of the depths of our being that is unfamiliar to many of us.
We struggle with a nostalgia we can’t quite define. Even as we Zoom all day long, this current of aloneness leaves many feeling empty and disconnected. Perhaps the way we ran our lives previously masked the moments of loneliness that would insert themselves, on occasion peeking out of our busy schedules, to be suppressed by the -isms of our culture? That temporary masking is no longer available as a distraction from our feelings of disconnection.
What you long for is part of your human-ess — the longing to be loved, to belong, to be found by another person, to love another, to be in connection with another. There is nothing wrong with this. It comes from an unrequited desire to express what is important to you and to experience that resonance that comes from being in the company of another person as they reflect your own image back to you.
Where you might welcome these times as being with yourself (in solitude, in reflection), someone else will experience the same time as being by yourself (loneliness, separation).
The first one is an invitation. The second is an exile.
I’d like you to re-consider loneliness as an invitation to know yourself differently. I’d like you to consider this alone time as an invitation to explore your becoming or your being-ness.
Everything has changed. Everything is uncertain. You too. You are not the person you were, your life has changed and potentially how you make meaning and what you value has changed with it.
You are now a stranger unto yourself with few or none of the anchors of a previous time. The invitation is to start a conversation with this stranger.
It’s a time to explore what you want from your life, what you’d like to create in your life, who you want to be/come in the next few years.
This type of exploration can only be done with a slower pace, through the quieting that comes from the absence of activities that cause busyness and fill up your time with insignificant things. Now each moment has a renewed value.
To embrace your loneliness as a friend instead of a foe is not easy. Can you begin to speak to your loneliness and ask it what it wants from you, what it needs from you? Can you intentionally make time in your day to walk side by side with your loneliness in conversation?
Silence itself is a language. It is the language of the soul when you are in the deeper conversation of who you are and who you are becoming. If you are uncomfortable with or dread silence you will fill your days with things, people and activities that hold no meaning for you.
Yet it is there in the emptiness of silence that you can rebirth yourself. As you come to know yourself in the absence of the noise that existed before, silence will hold that deeper conversation for you.
Practices and Conversations
As much as possible go out in nature and connect to the life force in the earth, air, trees, water. Our disconnection from nature disconnects us from ourselves. Renew yourself in nature. Pay attention to the sound of the breeze in the trees, to the songs of the birds. Dip your toes in the ebbing tides. Smell the scent of the new spring flowers now blossoming. And yes, hug a tree. Ask each of these what lesson they may hold for you. Then listen with your heart to the answer each provides.
These are all conversations with other living beings and they matter even if your conversation is not with another human being. As you develop a relationship with other life you come to understand that you are not ever really alone. A symphony of life in conversation surrounds you — if you pay attention, listen and engage this kind of conversation. Your disconnection from Nature has led you to believe that you are alone and has limited your ability to be in right relation and in conversation with the life teeming around you.
Fill your heart with self-love as the first thing to do on the path to connecting to yourself and finding your place of belonging. You must come to appreciate yourself, to care and value yourself first so that you come to know yourself anew. Do things that make you feel cared for. You must learn to first care for yourself before another cares for you or you care for another. In that way when love or friendship appears there will be no void to fill. This fullness is the way love thrives between people.
Courageously take steps to engage the outer world. Perhaps the people who surround you now are not the people who bring you alive any longer? What do you enjoy or enjoy doing? Find others who enjoy the same things and activities. Is it hiking, art, painting, writing? Look for and join groups that help you express yourself and your creativity. When your creativity is expressed it feeds your soul. That energy attracts others that resonate with your energy.
Technology is available to connect to others across the world. Be discerning with online groups. I find that writing groups or art groups are the healthiest for making friends.
If the loneliness grows too much seek counselling to help you cope with it so it does not devolve into depression. Having someone to talk to so you can unburden yourself will be helpful as you manage these isolating times.
I hope these thoughts are helpful for you if you are feeling lonely. These are difficult times for many but they are also times for reflecting on what truly matters and being open to more creative conversations that in previous times were ignored.
Feel free to contact me if you need additional support.
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Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
Originally published at https://www.aliciamrodriguez.com on March 5, 2021.
