Why I Don’t Strive For Happiness
I do this instead
When I ask someone what he or she wants for his or her life the answer I hear most often is, “I just want to be happy.” The desire for happiness is so prevalent that Psychology Magazine publishes massive amounts of research and articles on the topic. We now have a relatively new field of study called positive psychology. Amazon has over 15K books on how to find happiness and there is even a popular song by Pharrell Williams named Happy that has 1,074,215,994 views on You Tube as of this writing.
Happiness is big business too. When I searched on Google for “find your happiness” I was met with 749,000,000 results, much of it being advice, products or services to help you find happiness.
Yet happiness is not a one size fits all. Ultimately being happy has everything to do with having your heart and head in harmony. It has to do with the ability to live according to your values and in alignment with your essential nature. It has everything to do with knowing who you are at your core.
People who are happy have discovered what they truly care about and express that in their life.
This is tough work; one would say a lifetime of work because you evolve and change over your lifetime. What mattered before may not matter now.
Which brings me to the issue of impermanence.
Everything changes. Life is in constant movement.
Our search for happiness is based on permanence, a desire to be happy now, and now, and now. Happiness never lasts. Happy events are followed by sad events that may be followed by frustrating events that may be followed by happy events, etc.
This kind of happiness is based on what happens “out there” and “out there” is always changing. To base our happiness on the outside world and its influences and messages causes suffering and disappointment. It puts us on a hamster wheel going nowhere rotating around a limited concept that is ultimately unattainable.
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Someone who is truly happy has done the inner work, the seeking within, to discover that seed that is her true nature. She accepts that life is dynamic and unpredictable. She accepts that “shit happens” as part of life and that emotions are transient. She welcomes all of life’s experiences, accepting them as part of her evolutionary process, each teaching her something regardless of comfort or discomfort. She walks through her life caring but not attached and not grasping out of fear of not having something or someone. She does not avoid discomfort but learns to question herself about that discomfort and to find the treasure of wisdom in challenge.
Enlightened happiness comes from within. I have always thought of it as peace in my heart.
This peace comes from discovering my true nature and being the highest expression of that in this lifetime. This is a process that never ends or stops because everything is in a state of movement.
This heartbeat in this moment is different than the last heartbeat and will be different than the next one. I follow my breath in and follow my breath out conscious of the flow through my body. That is how I know I am present — and alive!
Regardless of the storms, the failures, the losses and grief that have occurred in my life, I can always return to that stillness within to find peace and a quiet happiness that seems more like a knowing smile than a loud guffaw. Here there is no striving only acceptance, a fluid movement through the events of my life born more out of curiosity than desire.
I no longer strive to be happy. I strive to be attuned to the movement of life so I can continue growing and evolving and doing my work in the world from the same inspiration that brought me here. That brings me peace and a more enlightened happiness that defies the impermanence of life.
From this place I recognize that my work is to help others find that peace and enlightened happiness within themselves and allow it to take whatever form it seeks to take, whether as a parent, a CEO or an artist.
Imagine what the world would be like if everyone were to seek and find that within themselves. I believe that we could stop the violence and suffering that comes from demanding this from others.
Today pause to reflect and appreciate everything that is in your life right now. It is there to mold you, to teach you, to help you discover your truth so that you can bring that light into the world.
